Enjoying the night air… and the cockroaches.

All my life I remember my parents telling me that the importance of education was that I could get a good job. I remember my dad making me dig out the driveway after I got an F on my report card. After three hours, my lower back was exhausted and my hands had lost all feeling. I’d feel them again when I washed them in the sink: popped blisters burn in a truly unforgettable way.

He walked out to where I was digging, taking his time, probably praying for God to give him the grace to not hit my prideful mouth with the shovel.

“Well, what did you learn?” my dad said, just like a waiter asks what kind of soda you want to drink.

“Well,” I wanted to say, “I learned that digging holes sucks.”

I think I came up with something a bit more appropriate for the object lesson, but the heart of a 17-year-old is full of anger and pride no matter how long the punishment.

I’m currently sucking up free Wi-Fi at Starbucks chuckling to myself as I breathe in my current life.

Married, homeless, tired, loved, blessed, gifted, and passionate.

How did this happen?

They say that that the way you spend your days is the way you spend your life, assuming that is true, then I am spending my life cooking delicious food, kissing the wife, hugging orphans, fixing things, and praying. That’s not a bad way to spend a few decades, and it beats the heck out of digging holes in the sun though I have a feeling that might be coming pretty soon.

I’ve had this blog on hold for the better part of two weeks, now. The wife getting super sick rattled me to my very core and it’s taken me some time to process everything that I felt. While attempting to do that, this past week has been the most eventful one in my recent memory.

The bike broke down leaving us surrounded by hungry cockroaches at midnight in the middle of El Paso.

The border police wouldn’t let us into Mexico because we didn’t have all of the papers for the bike so we had to drive to Las Cruces and wake Stefanie’s mom up at 1 am.

           Straps? God gave us four!

The people at the BMW place said that it would be $800 to fix the bike and then proceeded to get mad when I said, “No, thank you!” to that and picked up the bike (in pieces) at their dealership.

A car broke down at the orphanage and I volunteered to fix it (I had no idea what I was doing, but I believe in a BIG God and He told me that He would do it for me). God fixed that car and helped me replace the starter.

Stef and I celebrated our one-month anniversary! I must say to all of you who have been married for a kabajillion years, I respect the heck out of you, and don’t eye-roll our baby milestone. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Let’s see, what else? I had to poop in the bushes while our bike was broken because I had a massive case of the “Bad Taco Revenge”.

There is a lot of wrenching to do on a Sequoia. 

And, God miraculously healed the little fuel pump in our motorcycle.

It’s been a week.

Do you want to know a secret about this week, something weird and unexpected, something that can only happen by the grace of God and through the Spirit of the living God? Never once did the wife and I have a yelling match or break down and ask God why He was doing these things. We did fall to our knees every time we couldn’t get out of the situations that we were in… alright, we’ve pretty much been living on our knees this past month. But, wouldn’t you rather be in a position where you are so dependent on God, where nothing else can possibly solve the problem or come to your rescue except for Him, then in a place where He is distant and cold- more of a distant thought and less than an actual being? Isn’t that a place that He delights His children to be in, like a real father delights for his children to need and depend on him for their provision and protection?

And that’s what I’m learning right now. I’m learning that if God wants to start a car with a starter that has a snapped shaft and ball bearings that have literally fallen out onto the teeth of the gear, well, He can do that. I’m learning that if you don’t have bike papers and God wants you to get through the border then God can make that little scanner light turn green and you can wave at the border patrol agents and drive right on through. Nothing is too big for my God. Nothing.

               Whitest people in the pool? Check.

“No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life –whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?” Matthew 6:24-27


One thought on “Dependance

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  1. During the past 20 years as a Jehovah’;s Witness I have never felt as close to God as in the last 5 weeks since I left & surrendered my life to Jesus. God has become so real to me now & Bible reading is now a pleasure. I spend so much of my day thinking about Jesus & how I can best imitate him in my life, especially in my interaction with others & finding opportunities to show genuine love of neighbour. I’ve had a few issues to deal with because of leaving the JW’s bug Jesus has helped me not to be overly worried & to find the peace & calmness that his yoke offers.


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